Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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