Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
