he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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