I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
