I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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