Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
how drunk are you?
Several
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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