only if we run a train.
done.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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