yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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