...so i touched it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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