Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
