I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
