she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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