just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
