your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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