Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
