how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
