dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
