it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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