woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's the barista slut.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
