why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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