i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
