Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
