so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
