My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
