That's intense
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
