this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
operation harelip BJ is a go
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
