So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
