Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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