I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
