Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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