And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
