She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
