"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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