yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
