You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
