He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Are we still banned from the library?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
