I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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