I must be too annoying 4 u.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
