if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
