he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
