I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
