We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
