i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
from now on my penis is your penis
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
