the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
