Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
