My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
