i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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