I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
