Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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