so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
