I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
