Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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