Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
