Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
